Love Thy Neighbour

One of the most tedious recurring events for the single girl is the inappropriate advances from a cringey old bloke. In this instance, I am fairly sure that my next door neighbour was macking on me.

The conversation started out like any other innocent exchange between a 24 year old & her married 45 year old next door neighbour; he asked if I had a good time at V, had a middle-aged attempt at banter concerning flying cups of piss & festival traffic, cursed the young generations for their general lack of decency, asked how old I am (I look about 12), then shit got awkward. 

"Can't understand how you're single", "you're so down-to-earth", "sometimes I feel awkward talking to you", "never see you with lads these days". 

"Cos you're all a bunch of emotionally draining horny wankers!" 

God it would be awesome to scream that in someone's face. Obviously, I went about it in my typically English middle class way and smiled politely while making a slightly passive-aggressive remark about turning lesbian. 

This entry was initially supposed to be longer, but I'm cream crackered and would rather google search for relevant Ryan Gosling memes right now. 

Good night!

21st Century Single Girl

So quite honestly, I don't know how to highlight my cheekbones, even though the lovely ladies of my nearest MAC counter have shown me a bajillion times. What I do know is how hilarious my single life is to my 'attached' nearest and dearest, regardless of the inner anguish I'm left with every time I have a bad date. That and I'm okay with words 'n' shit. So after much persuasion (and by this I mean one Facebook comment from a high school friend who I haven't seen for nine years) I decided to address the atrocity which is the dating world and the social phenomena that seems to insist I spend my non-date evenings melting down pots of Haagen Daz, crying in to my piles of cats & watching movies in which the mouth-watering hottie plays a misunderstood good guy pining for the sketchy, non-conformist spinster-in-the-making, when in actuality, we all know he'd be much happier taking home the illiterate bar-maid for one night funsies.

Christ that was a long sentence.

HOWEVER, I won't lie. I am fond of all the same old crap any other 24 year old is: HBO dramas, food, Topshop, makeup, food, rotting my mind on Pinterest, spending all my money on shoes instead of moving out of my parent's house... Y'know.

So, bloggy people, enjoy the terrible dating stories, harmless self-deprecation and generic girly shit I get up to.